3 Month Old Foetus Robs 92 Year Old Woman for Chunky Kit Kat

Z.Face reports from West London
Ealing residents were in a state of shock today after the severe mugging of 92 year old Edith George by a 3 month old foetus. The foetus, known only as 'Blade' was armed with 4lbs of semtex and a 9 inch bowie knife. After watching Edith shimmy back up the drainpipe to her fourth floor flat he struck.

'What is the world coming to?' asked an exasperated John Chisel as he poured over hard hitting coverage in the Daily Mail, 'it says here the mugger was probably an immigrant, but they can't tell'.

'The tiny little buggers are always causing havoc, slithering over old people's spectacles or taunting you with their "I can still be anything you stupid old fucker" comments' said Park Hill resident Ped Korrk.

David Cameron was reportedly 'shocked' by the 'news' and has 'ordered' Home Secretary Theresa May to draft a bill that will outlaw foetus's carrying semtex and bowie knives in the future. Currently the law doesn't cover the pre-born. 'Clearly this is the responsibility of the parents' said a Cameron aid, 'no one can blame society for this one, as the perpetrator has never experienced it.' May is said to be keen on detaining, 'but not imprisoning', the parents or possible parents of such evil little bastards. 'We have the technology' she claimed, 'trust us'.

'The press is trying to paralyse us with fear, and it makes good copy after all' explained Dr Faustus Tramp of Bexley University, 'but the truth is this kind of thing is nothing new. The 17th century saw a spate of foetus crime, including the famous highway robber Little Wee Tiny Jock McJock who terrorised wealthy travellers until his inevitable birth.'