Chief's £3million BT Bung for 'having a damn nice try'

Z.Face reports
BT Chief Executive Sir Peter Bonsfield is today calculating how he will spend the £3m he is due in payoffs following yesterday's resignation from the lolloping communications giant.

Critics have pointed out that before Sir Peter's reign, BT had never made a trading loss. This year it made a loss of £30bn, surviving only after the largest cash call on shareholders in corporate history. Sir Peter admitted that "objectives didn't quite reach complete fruition status" but his critics have been written off as 'obvious anarchists, paedophiles and war wobblers'.

Kathy Hilfiger of Tower Hamlets was quick to support Sir Peter. Kathy, a single mother who struggles daily to raise her asthmatic children with the help of the cheapest food, TV as distractor, a damp flat and deteriorating coping mechanisms said "Bless him, he looks like he deserves it. It's them scrounging Kosovians that piss me off."

"We totally defend this competitive golden handshake, or golden shoulder as I call them now, " said BT executive Mike Dandy, "he gave it a bloody good go, coming to work even when struck with various minor ailments." £615,000 of the payoff comes as reward for BT's performance over the last year, when it achieved the huge loss described above.

Already more middle class heterosexual males have been shortlisted to replace Sir Peter. Some have even been described as having 'vision' and the ability to 'rationalise' by middle class heterosexual males in the press.