Bush Vs Beelzebub: US to extend War Against Terror into 'Hell itself'

President Bush yesterday warned Old Nick and his atrocious minions that the US would be extending its war against terror into the dark underworld. "Know this," he warned, "a final reckoning is on the cards here, we know where Satan is, and we will defeat him. Do not misunderestimatorise us."

Britain will offer the usual naive sycophantic military support. "Tony is really up for this, it's right up his street" opined Downing Street spokesperson Geoff Laxman, "in fact he will be keen to wrap up the complete defeat of evil in time for the next election. It could provide a healthy poll boost." 5000 UK troops, prepared to risk infinite sodomy by barbed hellish cock, are poised for the descent into inestimable chaos should Dubya give the nod. "The radios are fixed" assured Laxman.

Anti-globalisation protestors have dismissed Bush's announcements as 'fake' and 'a deceit'. "He may convince some that he is to initiate the Final War, Armageddon, and eventually introduce a 1000 year period of light and peace, the so called Age of Aquarius" said Fig Toffee from the Play Up! movement, "but what he really wants is to extend the corporate branding of our age to the Realm of Chaos. Eternal burnings in oil sponsored by Exxon, the patenting of traditional demonic flesh ripping techniques, that kind of thing."

Critics have warned that defeating the Dark Lord of That Which Cannot Be Mentioned will leave a power vacuum for 'any tinpot dictator or nutcase' to take advantage of. "This is a very dangerous strategy" said Professor Bart Litman of the University of Stockport, "there's no telling who might end up on Lucifer's empty throne. I dread to think."

"Fuck you Beezlebub" said Jason Kolb of Villesville, Ohio, "here comes the smackdown".

- Z.Face -