Bush effigy in plea for peace: "I can't go on . . . " sobs forlorn dummy

During welcome respite from a vicious thrashing in Jacobabab, Pakistan, Bush Effigy spoke of his despair at continued fanatical efforts to "bust my sorry wooden ass". "I'm caught right in the middle of a crisis engineered by others, my only crime being a dubious resemblance to Dubya. And me a Nader guy."

"I don't know how long I can go on. I've been stomped on, thrashed with sticks, raised aloft, dropped and burnt. Repeatedly. Daily. I'm getting pretty depressed by it all" admitted the stick and cloth impersonator. He has also noticed a definite gender gap in his attackers. "Yup, they're all dudes. I didn't want to be critical of Islamic culture, but at least in the west women can participate in vile and idiotic recriminations."

"My only saving grace has been Blair Effigy. Maybe it's selfish, but I'm quietly glad when I hear the Brit has taken a twatting in some obscure Middle Eastern hellhole. That's one less for me." But maybe not enough to save Effigy from acute clinical depression according to top TV psychologist Hazy Brown. "He must be close to what I call the 'Acute Clinical Depression Zone',"she explained, "perhaps the air force could drop him a pack of my Hazy Top Stress Busta! Tips".

So far Bush Effigy has had beatings administered in major cities and towns in Pakistan, Palestine, Indonesia and the Philippines amongst others. "These people are real angry at something" revealed Effigy. Attempts by US diplomats to have Bush Effigy smuggled out have been unsuccessful. "Er . . . it's just too volatile" explained Whitehouse spokesperson P.Diddy.

"Of all the inanimate objects people use to dispel their unfulfilled impulses," lamented Effigy, "please someone, fashion me into 10 inch dildo like NOW!"

Z.Face