"Dolphin Underclass is Emerging" - Bush

George W.Bush has labelled Californian beached dolphins as "scrounging, work-shy scum". The animals, which occasionally find themselves washed-up on the beaches of the Pacific coast, are normally saved by environmental groups, rehabilitated in UCLA Marine Biology facilities, and released back into the wild following full recovery. But Bush, like his father, subscribes dogmatically to the view that any form of aid leads to an emergent underclass. "These fish are primarily seeking attention, but moreso are too lazy to find food for themselves." said the President. "If we continue to support them, they will learn that there is food for free - we must make them learn the hard way. Unless do-gooders start to leave the spounging porpoises where they wash-up, we will dramatically cut funding to the UCLA."