Bush Pretzel News Special

"Stop multitasking" Bush warned after Pretzel blackout
US President George W Bush was warned by political advisors not to "attempt more then one complex action at a time" after he fainted whilst choking on a pretzel. The president had been sat down watching a Michigan-Baltimore football game when he placed the miscreant salty snack in his mouth. "This could have had grave consequences for the nation" said White House spokesperson Dick Cumonit," especially at this point in our history. He really needs to be less reckless."

Well meaning supporters gathered at the White House to ceremoniously stamp upon pretzels in solidarity. "Well, ya gotta do something" yelled Shelley Greenmilk. One confused activist who burnt the Stars and Stripes in an undefined act of protest got the same treatment. "He should realise that flag stands for freedom," explained a frothing perpertrator.

Tony Blair was said to be on his way accross the Atlantic upon hearing of Mr Bush's misfortune. "He wants to see if there is absolutely any way Britain can lend support please," said a source. Already a task force comprising of inner city infants is busy providing 'bluesky thinking' on the implications for the UK.

George Bush is currently resting at his Texas ranch and expects to be back at the helm 'sometime October'.

- Z.Face -

'Pretzel of Doom' was Castro 'Prank'

The pretzel that floored US President George W Bush "looked like Osama Bin Laden" according to White House aides. The salty snack biscuit, much loved in America, became lodged in the president's throat, according to Dr Adriana Perestroika, Neurologist, "then he lost consciousness for a short time when his heart rate slowed." He slightly cut his face and bruised his lip when he fell to the floor - another statistic in the War Against Terrorism.

More experts immediately emerged from the woodwork, claiming that this was just another of Fidel Castro's pranks. "Since Kennedy's notorious 'exploding cigar' joke in the 60s, Castro and US presidents have been trading pranks on and off. This Osama-shaped pretzel is just the latest," claims Courtney Oakes of the Universtiy of Buttfuk, Idaho.

Previous 'japes' have included a whoopee cushion strategically placed under Jimmy Carter's arse at the Camp David Peace Accord, itching powder surreptitiously placed on Ronald Reagan's collar at his 1980 inauguration, and the Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba by a US-sponsored private army of Cuban exiles in 1961.

- Rex Phibb -