Wener Lands Middle Eastern Woman Job

Former Sleeper front-chick Louise Wener has finally found a job. Years after the break-up of her Indie-lite, chart-bothering guitar outfit, and her subsequent but brief literary career, the raven-haired beauty has taken to acting and modelling, with her agent immediately landing her the plum job of Equity's 'Official Middle Eastern Woman'.

The contract gives Wener sole rights to appear as the distressed, tearful face of the strife-torn Middle Eastern states in all UK media. Her agent is currently on an anti-peacekeeping mission in the region.

She takes over from actress Jayne Chesterfield who, after 9 years in the role, has quit, quoting: "I didn't think the role was challenging me anymore. It's time to move on, and my agent has found me a good part in an upcoming detergent commercial."

- Cyrano de Basingstoke -