Eastenders' Steve is Storyline Loser

Gary Kemp, the actor who plays Eastenders' Steve Owen, was seriously injured yesterday after two storylines simultaneously blew up in his face. Shortly after being assaulted by Phil Mitchell, the old New Romantic discovered that he is to be replaced by character Nathan Williams as the Square's most unconvincing gangster type.

Bruised and cut, dazed and confused, Kemp dramatically refused to be taken to hospital. He later made good progress after downing 'a lovely cup of tea' brought to him by Wendy Richards (Pauline Fower). "It was touch and go there for a while," said former child prodigy Todd Carty (Mark Fowler), "but we knew he'd be fine when he proclaimed 'Anyone fancy a swift one down the Vic?'"

- Colin Catstand in Borehamwood -