Pensioner Finds New Dimension With Potato Peeler

Retired lollipop lady Cathy Keenan, from Cork, Ireland, has astounded scientists by creating a gap in reality in her own home. "I was peeling the tatties for dinner," said Mrs Keenan, "when the knife slipped out me hand, and there was this ruddy great light in my kitchen. 'Now would you look at that', I thought, 'I've torn a hole in the fabric of the space-time continuum, so I have'.

After inadvertently opening a portal to another universe, Mrs Keenan managed to make contact with a mysterious alien being, who requested her aid.

"My Ned reckoned he could hear voices coming from the other side of the hole, then all of a sudden this fat fella pops his head out and asks if I've got any sellotape. Well anyway, we soon patched it up, and now it's all right as rain".

Last night, The Despondent's science advisor, Joe Glasses, was remaining sceptical about Mrs Keenan's story. "I'd have used at least two rolls of gaffer tape to reseal it", he said.

- Norris Rhylname -