'Evil is evil and will not defeat decent good niceness' pledges Blair

PM Tony Blair was at the Hague yesterday rallying support for his new crusade 'against evil'. It follows what he describes as 'just far too much evil, simply'. 'For far too long' he said 'this plague has beset decent citizens in the most evil ways, as you'd expect'. He promsed EU leaders that Britain will lead a war against 'new evil, old evil and plain old evil evil'.

An intelligence task force, codenamed Operation Nobbled Evil, has been created to discuss the implications of this 'evil' and devise cost effective countermeasures. Already the 'height of evil' has been measured at 7ft 2. 'We will win' stated Blair. It will, he conceded, involve 'decisions'. It is thought that the secret service could be ordered to 'seek and destroy' the 'evilest evil ever, if we find any'.

Critics maintain that Blair remains too vague about what this evil actually is. 'Having rejected so wholeheartedly every decent human principal the Labour party ever stood for, and continuing the Thatcher project with more enthusiasm then the Tory party could, he is reacting on a subconscious level to his smiling deceit and manufacturing an illusionary war that even he believes in' said Tim Hymen, 6, of St Mary's primary school, Dorset.

The median speech pause for Mr Blair was 0.73 seconds, up just 0.02 seconds from last week's speech on how poverty will be eradicated without having to reduce the gap between the rich and poor despite claims that it is mathematically impossible.

- report by Zakface -