NASA in "Payload" Drama

NASA is being sued for allowing its astronauts to crap on a man's greenhouse. Stan Upwind, from Portsmouth, claims his garden has been spattered with extra-terrestrial doings, and holds the crew of the International Space Station responsible. 'My greenhouse is covered in small white lumps of faeces,' said Mr Upwind, 'exactly like human waste that's burnt up on re-entry. And of course, there are long trails down the side of my shed as well. This indicates that they must have been travelling quickly, and is consistent with the idea that they've fallen all the way from outer space.'

'Toilets on spacecraft are notoriously smelly and cramped, and it's my suspicion that one of the astronauts couldn't be bothered, and just did it out the window whilst the others weren't looking. My money's on Dennis Tito - and his stomach problems - as the culprit. My brother-in-law runs a guesthouse in Selsy Bill, and I've seen what some of these tourists get up to.'

Mr Upwind is currently seeking compensation for a B&Q shed, new Gro-bags and a bottle of Windowlene, but is pressing for £5 million in damages as he fancies a holiday abroad somewhere.

- Norris Rhylname reporting -